Who I Am

Who I Am
I am a flightless bird standing on rocky ground. I struggle relentlessly to be seen as an adult in the eyes of my parents. I depend on music to pull me through my depression days, and nothing else, I’m afraid if I tell anyone how I really feel they may judge me in a light that is undesirable, and create a mental picture that is untrue to who I am. I am musically enlightened; playing the stories of others pleases me. I write to break the chains of norm, and when someone asks me “Who are you?” my response is a screaming silent emotion of happiness, anger, sadness, and frustration. I am the girl who will change a life with simplistic words on ordinary paper. I am the girl who everyone dumps their issues on, and I hold it in like a honey bee. I listen as my friends talk, because I know their parents only hear them. I am the loving one, the one who wants a simple life and a small family. I am the one my own parents depend on to help pay the bills. I only tell my fears and problems to the only one who really cares about me, because I believe he’s the only one who understands the hardships life has forced upon me. I work to keep afloat, but it’s barely enough, the struggling life of an emerging adult is not an easy one. I know in ten years it will come back to me tenfold, because as they say you get what you put in. I am the one who is afraid of getting old, not dying. I am shy when people ask me to describe myself, as if they’ve never seen me before. I am blue eyed with blonde hair, and I am judged simply on my looks because of blonde jokes. At the end of the day I am the strong one. The cheerful face when the whole world happens to be crushing down on your shoulders.

I am someone who loves big band music and I hate it when people make me listen to screamo or techno. I love school and I don’t like to be made fun of for it. I am the only child in my family to go on to college with the hopes of actually earning a degree and graduating from it. I am determined and strong willed. I am reluctant and stubborn. I am the youngest child in the family, and I hate how it makes my parents feel they need to treat me differently. I am technically the little sister, but in reality I play the big sister to my big sister. I am technologically capable and I have issues with people who don’t do the posted speed limit. I am the “go-to” in all aspects of my life, my job, my family and my friends. I am an adult temporarily stuck in a teenagers’ body, I can’t force people to see or understand that concept, and I can only ask and hope they might. I am generally cold even though it’s usually always over one-hundred degree’s in Phoenix, Arizona. I’m impossible when it comes down to watching horror movies, and I hate when characters are injured. I’d prefer to watch something funny, or something adorable, rather than something a typical adult would choose to watch. I really am sociable; I just don’t like it when others cloud my bubble. I am an open book, waiting for someone to discover the incredible journey I’ve been continuing for the last eighteen years. I am an aunt. I am a lover and a dog owner, and I don’t agree with cats. I am a child of poverty who became a child who learned the meaning of true hard work. I am a boss, and I am a friend. I’m the girl who’d rather be tearing up her knees climbing up a rock wall than having a massage or pedicure. I’m the girl at the back of the class waiting for someone to light the creativity I know I have. I am gifted in my own right, and it did not come to me over night. I have worked years to become these puzzle pieces; they make the bigger picture that is me. To some people I am the world, and I am perfectly fine with that.